Tears
by Xenoglossy
Summary: A battle weary Gatomon reflects on her past with Wizardmon


"Tears" (Wizardmon Memorial Fic! ;) - www.ezboard.com   
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Izzy Girl  
Unregistered User  
(6/2/00 7:24:30 am)  
Reply"Tears" (Wizardmon Memorial Fic! ;)  
  
Tears  
By Izzy Girl  
  
Note: This entire story in from Gatomon's POV, cept' the flashbacks   
which are third person. I got the idea from writing one of my rants   
and thought it might be interesting to explore how much Gatomon   
misses Wizardmon. Being the silent, keep-to-herself type person she   
is, she's probably never said anything but... SIGH truly, I'm a   
big softie at heart. None of these characters are mine, yada, yada,   
yada and so forth, I just borrow them to make extremely emotional   
trying fics! ... Oh, and in case your wondering this takes place   
while they're fighting Puppetmon, which why I say "The group... or   
what was left of it..."  
  
Not a breeze russeled the trees on this deathly silent   
night. The small fire blazed weakly and violently as it valantly   
strived not to dieout. Only I was still awake. This was one of those   
nights the group, or what was left of it, had been too exausted to   
even think out a plan for look-out duty.   
I sighed. I couldn't sleep and I found myslef glancing over   
at Kari, who slept soundly curled up using her brother as a pillow.   
Her chest rose and fell in a calm pattern of rythmic breathing and a   
smile was spread across her face. I couldn't help but wonder what   
she was dreaming about, but felt a slight twinge of pain in my heart   
that tommorow she'd still wake up to find herself lost in this   
nightmare land that the mixing of two worlds had created.  
I stared into the fire again. I truly did love that girl   
more than anything, but on nights like this my thoughts seem always   
to turn to Wizardmon. As I watched the flickering light my eyes   
began to flood with tears. I hate crying, but I couldn't stop   
myself. I missed my wise companions silent company and deep green   
eyes, always full of life and sadness that said more than words ever   
could. The problem is, I didn't know until too late. He's gone, and   
there's not a chance of getting him back since the Dark Masters   
destroyed primary village.  
I clenched my paws into tiny fists and desperatley tried to   
stop the tears. Kari needed me to be strong. I choked them back but   
I knew I needed to go somewheres to be alone with me thoughts.  
I stood, kissed Kari on the cheek, then headed out into the   
forest.  
  
I didn't know exactly where I was going. Well, I think maybe   
I did, but I didn't realize it. The forest was a forbidding   
territory for I knew somewhere among those trees Puppetmon hid   
waiting for us. But then again, the violent little hunk of   
fermagated scrap-wood wasn't exactly Einstein. I chuckled to myself.   
He actually reminded of DemiDevimon a bit, and that feathered   
bowling ball couldn't find his way out of a paper bag with both ends   
cut off. Why was I so worried. I was smarter, faster, more agile and   
better looking than him! I chuckeled. No fear. Why should I need to   
have fear!? I stopped a moment considering myself. Wizardmon had   
always said my arrogance would be my downfall... of course I would   
always stick up my nose at him arrogantly and ask him to leave. Then   
he'd laugh and say it was also my arrogance that he liked about me.  
I sighed heavily and continued walking. There always seemed   
to be something more he wanted to say.  
I never realized what a part Wizardmon had in my life until   
my memories started slwoly flooded back. I felt kinda guilty that I   
had treated him so bad. Like a nuisence. But then again, I was   
conditioned like that. Myotismon had made sure the physical and   
mental torture had erased every bit of human caring and compassion   
from my being. But there was still something left. Small and barely   
noticable, but it was like seeing Kari had set off a spark.   
Wizardmon saw it. He often saw what I couldn't. Things about me. I   
swear, he knew me better than I knew myself, though he claimed it   
was just all stuff I had told him a long time ago. I wouldn't know,   
my memory's still sketchy and places but I seem to vaugley remember   
Wizardmon... being there...  
**************************************************************************************************************  
  
Gatomon sat perched in the leafy treetops of the Rio Sabana   
near Mount Miharasi and the Yokomon village. She slowly scanned the   
landscape. She knew what she was looking for. The worst of the   
worst. She realized she'd have to fight most of them to get her to   
join her, but she didn't mind that. She slowly extended her silver   
claws which glinted in the fading sunlight.  
"Really Gatomon, why do you seem to believe violence is   
ALWAYS the solution?"  
Gatomon jumped, nearly tumbling from her pearch. She didn't   
need to turn around to recognize the voice. "What have I told you   
about reading my thoughts without permission Wizardmon?"  
Wizardmon shrugged "I don't exactly need to, one can pretty   
much guess what your thinking when you extend your claws so...   
maliciously."  
Gatomon smiled "And one needs to be malicious at times like   
these."  
"Y'know, you weren't always like this."  
"Really how would you know."  
Wizardmon winked and gestured to his head "I can read minds,   
remember?" he ceased his floating and took a seat beside Gatomon,   
who edged over slightly in uncomfort "You were once as innocent as a   
kitten and believed that the world was kind, that all digimon were   
essentialy good. You would give your life to help those in need. A   
bright light in this rapidly darkning world."  
Gatomon snorted "Then I was niave and stupid."  
"No, you were right."  
Gatomon shot Wizardmon a nasty sneer "What? You think ALL   
digimon are essentialy good!? What about Myotismon, huh?" She looked   
him in the eyes "What about me? You need to vicious in this world to   
survive. The weak fall to the strong and the stupid die in sutibly   
stupid ways. Anyone who believes the world otherwise is an   
idealistic fool. I'm malicious cause' I need to be. It works for me,   
so I have no need to change."  
"What about me?" Wizardmon shot back "I'm what you call one   
of those 'idealistic fools' yet I managed to survive! Not JUST   
survive, but thrive."  
"I never said I didn't believe in luck."   
Wizardmon broke a smile. "That's what I like about you   
Gatomon."  
Gatomon looked at him, question in her eyes "What?"  
Wizardmon shook his head "Uh, it doesn't matter..."  
"Why are you even here?" Gatomon intterupted "Is there a   
reason, or do you just find joy in challenging my every action."  
"I heard Myostismon was hiring."  
Gatomon gave him a strange work "I wasn't aware you suppoted   
Myotismon."  
Wizardmon shrugged "I support whoever or whatever I can   
benefit from."  
"So you don't believe in the Digi-Destined?"  
"Do you?"  
Confusion flashed in Gatomon's deep forest green eyes. She   
hesitated a moment "Of... of course not."  
Wizardmon's eyes lighted up with a knowing smile "Then why   
did it take you so long to answer?"  
Gatomon glared at him. She was never sure why she kept his   
company. He constantly challenged her. Almost everything she did,   
but yet she couldn't help but tolorate him. It was strange though,   
he always seemed to be getting at something. Something important,   
that was crucial, but Gatomon couldn't put her finger on it. She   
stared at Wizardmon. When had she met him? Why did he follow her,   
take such an intrest in her. Further more, why did she trust him,   
accept his challenging with such ease. Was she just used to it, or   
was it something else... Gatomon became suddenly panicked. Why   
couldn't she remember these things? Why did it seem that chunks of   
her memory were missing, the events of her life where a huge block   
of swiss cheese. She remembered when she first met Myotisomon, yet   
she couldn't remember when this strange mage had come into he life.  
"Am I hired?"  
Gatomon looked up at Wizardmon in shock. "Ummm...."  
"Lost in thought?"  
Gatomon nodded abashedly "Uh, yeah, I guess."  
"Am I in?"  
Gatomon narrowed her eyes to slits "I'm not sure I trust   
you."  
"I thought you didn't care about things like that. Do you   
trust half the people you work with?"  
Gatomon clenched her paws into fists "Must you ALWAYS   
challenge me?"  
"It makes you think about things differently, from a   
different point of veiw than your narrow, one-sided opinion, but   
then again, your so arrogant and hard-headed that I'd be surprised   
if a sledge hammer could get through to you."  
Gatomon looked at him in surprise.  
Wizardmon crossed his arms "You have faults Gatomon, you may   
not realize it, but you're not perfect. That pride of yours will be   
your downfall..." he cracked a smile "But then again, that's what I   
like about you..."  
Gatomon smiled bitterly "There's alot of things you like   
about me, aren't there?"  
"What can I say, you're an intriuging digimon."  
Gatmon turned her back to him "I'm sorry Wizardmon, I'm just   
not sure I can trust you to swear alligence to Myotismon..."  
"How can you judge me on that when you yourself don't swear   
alligence to him?"  
Gatomon spun around "WHAT!"  
Wizardmon raised an eyebrow "You can't fool me. I can read   
you like an open book. The defiance and rebellion in your eyes. Not   
only that. The sadness. You have power Gatomon, but your not happy.   
You hate what you've become, what he's done you. You're a hypocrite   
sometimes, but I'm not sure you can help that. You'd never give this   
up on your own, you have too much pride, but Gatomon, I know this   
isn't who you are, even if you don't."  
Gatomon stared in shock then lowered her head "Damn you."   
she hissed.  
"You can trust me."  
"I don't care."  
"Neither do I. That's why you can trust me."  
"You're lying. You care."  
"I gave up caring a long time ago."  
Gatomon shook her head "If you didn't care you wouldn't be   
here. I understand that." Gatomon sighed heavily "Fine, you're in."  
"You care too you know."  
Gatomon slumped miserably "No, I don't. Can't you see.   
That's why I'm doing what I'm doing."  
"You're wrong again Gatomon.The reason you do what you do is   
because you DO care."  
Gatomon shot her head up to look at Wizardmon, but he had   
left as suddenly as he had come.  
**************************************************************************************************************  
  
I'm not sure how long it took me to get there, but I wasn't   
surprised when I saw where I had arrived. The beach... or at least   
what had once been a beach. The edge of the forest, instead of   
easing gradually into the digital ocan, it ended abruptly with a   
drop to nothingness where the ocean had disinegrated once   
MetalSeadramon had been destroyed. Gatomon shook her head. What had   
the Dark Masters' done. How could they do what they had done. They   
actually found a way of manipulating the Digiworld so that it became   
dependant on them. What garuntee was there that the Digiworld would   
even return to normal? And on top of that, everything was falling   
apart. Matt, after the horrible mistakes he made leaving to find   
himself, Joe and Mimi refusing to fight. The group was torn apart   
and what was left of it were caught in their own turmoils. Tai was   
facing the tough problems with being the leader everyone looks to. I   
know he's trying to be strong, but I can see the stress breaking on   
his face. Sora can see it too. She understands Tai well, I've   
noticed her lately trying to take alot more responsibility. I'm   
pretty sure Izzy can see it too, he's been backing off a bit, trying   
to lay off on Tai. Kari and TK of course are oblivious. Kari can   
feel it though, the stress the others are feeling. I can see it   
distressing her because she doesn't know why. I'm not sure about TK.   
He's a bit lost without his brother, but he seems to be doing okay.   
I don't think it's actually occured to him that we might lose. The   
innocence of youth...  
I shook off my thoughts. Why was I here? My gazr rell away   
from the shore and more to the forest line. My breath stopped in my   
throat. It was the crude graveyard Mimi and Palmon had erected when   
they were still with us. For Whamon, Chumon, Piximon and Wizardmon.   
I approached the memorials slowly. The back left one. I   
knelt by it.  
"Wizardmon..." I whispered. I wasn't quite sure what I   
wanted to say. There were so many things that I didn'y know where to   
start. Also, I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share my thoughts   
and feeling with a grave. I much rather wait and say it to his face.   
I mentally slapped myself. Did I really have that little faith in   
our team. They were, after all, the digidetined. They had destroyed   
Devimon, Etemon and Myostismon. But the Dark Masters were a   
different story. They knew what they were doing. You need only look   
at the atrocity they made of the Digiworld to understand that. But   
most of all, where they suceed is that, unlike Devimon, Etemon and   
Myotismon, they don't underestimate us. They realize how strong we   
are. They're going all out... and know that we're weak...  
*Are you scared?*  
I looked up. I swore I had heard a voice.  
*Your still faithless... but in a situation, maybe that's a   
good thing*  
I recognized it. How could I not. I felt like crying,   
yelling, wanted to hug him, but he wasn't there.  
"Wizardmon?" I whispered.  
*I see you haven't forgotten me*  
"How could I!?" I exclaimed "After what you did for me?   
Wizardmon, you... you..." I sniffed back a tear "... not only that,   
you DIED for me... HOW could I ever forget you?"  
*You have more important things to worry about*  
I bit my lip "Yeah... but..."  
*It's hopeless? Things have fallen apart? How can you even   
hope to defeat these fiends, the first the Digi-Destined have ever   
face that actually know what they're doing?*  
"What have I told you about reading my thoughts without   
permission..." I laughed quietly through my tears.  
*I don't need to read your thoughts. I never have, I respect   
you too much for that*  
I widened my eyes "Then.. then how could you always know   
what I was thinking."  
*I've said it before. I can read you like an open book. You   
may be rather withdrawn in that you never tell anyone what you're   
thinking or feeling, but you give away things, in your eyes, your   
mannerisms, the look on your face and sometimes even the way your   
tail twitches*  
"You're the only one who can ever tell."  
*Probably not*  
"I can't even tell."  
*When your memories come back*  
I nodded "Of course..."  
*You need to talk to someone don't you?*  
I gulped back a sniff, but it came out as a horrible sob.   
"Yeah... I guess..." she paused a moment "I... I can't do it, tell   
anyone how I'm feeling... not even Kari. I don't want to worry her,   
and I'm not sure... I'm not sure she would understand. I feel so   
selfish, worried about all my own stupid problems..."  
*You're not selfish. You care*  
I closed my eyes. Tears spilled out and splashed onto the   
cold sand, foming a small salty puddle beneath Wizardmon's cross.  
*And Kari understands.*  
I shook my head.  
*I know you think she's too young, innocent and idealistic   
to see your side of things, but Gatomon, underneath your singed fur   
and broken heart, your soul is pure like hers, as much as you don't   
like to admit. You love her too much to trouble her, but she's   
worried about you...*  
"How do you know?"  
*Because she's just like you*  
I just looked up at the sky questioningly "How is it that   
you know me so well?" she choked.  
Wizardmon hesitated a moment. *I don't know... when I woke   
up that night, you tending to me by the fireside, something just   
struck me about you...*  
I smiled "There's... there's a human emotion called love. It   
varies. Love between family, friends. But love between two people   
who aren't tied like that in any way. Some people say it so strong   
it's started wars. In the... the human's world of course. I've   
noticed among the kids, even though they say thry're too young.   
Their leader Tai, that girl Sora, the crest of love. They have such   
a sober understanding of each other..."  
*We're computer data Gatomon. Technically we aren't real.*  
I laughed "That sounds like something I would say. What's   
happened to you."  
*I guess being dead makes one slightly more cynical*  
"Death also make one realize how much someone ment to   
them..." I paused as moment "I love you Wizardmon, thank you for   
evrything."  
There was a long silence. *....I love you too. More than   
myself I guess, since look where I am... and I should be thanking   
you. Not only did you save my life, you made it worth living....*  
I wrapped my paws around the cross. "Goodbye."  
**************************************************************************************************************  
  
When I arrived back at camp, I thought about Wizardmon's   
words. Was he right? Would Kari understand? I looked at her, and   
suddenly, all doubt in my mind washed away. Kari would understand.   
She understood me as well, if not better than Wizardmon, just in a   
different way.  
I curled up beside my friend. She immeditly pulled me into a   
hug. I smiled and nuzzeled her.   
I hadn't realized how much Wizardmon ment to me until he was   
gone. I'm like that, but I wouldn't make the same mistake with Kari.  
  
How was that? Sure it didn't have much action, but I'm one of those   
people who likes to write emotional things. Was it okay? Did it make   
you cry? Did you not care? Did it suck? e-mail me any comments at   
izzygirl@soramail.zzn.com  
  
Scully: "This is no place for an entemologist."  
  
Joe: "Uh, didn't this used to be a wall?"  
  
Gomamon: "Awwww... don't we get points for enthusiasm?"  
  
Squall: "I'm not your mom."  
  
Matt: "I've been living a lie."  
Gabumon: "You're not a real blonde?"  
  
Cait Sith: "Gyahaha and Kyahaha are havin' a meeting, wann listen   
in?"  
  
Tai: "It's all my fault, right Sora?"  
Sora: "Yeah... GASP... I mean..."  
Signing off!!  
Arigato and Gomen me Digilovin ppls!  
Izzy Girl (Da MASTER of Onamanatopeia) ) O ='o'=   
Wolfbane150   
Global user  
(6/2/00 11:56:50 am)  
Reply*sniff* Beautiful...  
  
That was beautiful. It made me cry. It's ironic, I lost the   
notebook in which I wrote a Gatomon/Wizardmon songfic, the title of   
which I'm not yet prepared to state. But that was beautiful. My   
opinion of Wizardmon and Gatomon's relationship is slightly   
different, but that was a tocuching fic.  
You are an exellent writer and you are very good with imagery. Keep   
up the exellent work.   
BA + JoJo!!!!  
  
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